Waiting For You
by shesBLAZING
Summary: Set during Empty Places, in between the scenes at the Bronze and the Summers home. What if Faith hadn’t gone back right away? BF implied.


Waiting For You 

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**Author: **ShesBlazing

**Disclaimer: **Joss - they belong to Joss. *Deep Sigh* Lyrics belong to Coldplay.****

**Summary: **Set during Empty Places, in between the scenes at the Bronze and the Summers home. What if Faith hadn't gone back right away? B/F implied.

**A/N:** Written during summer 2003, and one of the first fics I ever wrote. Constructive criticism is welcome.****

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                It's cold tonight. I don't really notice, though. Too busy digging the pointy end of my stake into one of the few vampires stupid enought to still be hanging around Sunnydale now that an Apocalypse is coming. And not just any Apocalypse. I'm talking The, with a capital. Not that I care, anyway. About the vamp, I mean. Better for me. I get to take my anger out on something physical tonight. Something other than myself. Makes the pain just a little more bearable.

                _// So I look in your direction_

_                // But you pay me no attention, do you_

                I'm walking now, keeping an eye out for anything else that needs a good beating. Vampire, demon, I don't really care. Release is what I'm craving tonight.

                I mean, who does she think she is? Yeah, yeah, Buffy Summers, the golden girl, the original, one-and-only slayer. I know all that. But still. The way things went down tonight... well, it left me with just a little more rage than usual. I mean, I'm a good guy again. Ooh, vamp. Beating. Dusting. Walking again. Where was I again? Oh yeah. I'm back on the side of right, which is where I definitely want to be. Doing my best to contain all the emotions that overtook me the last time, and keeping them hidden. Not the best way to handle it, I know. But it's my way of dealing. And I gotta say, I think I'm doing a pretty damn good job so far.

                _// I know you don't listen to me_

_                // Cause you say you see straight through me, don't you_

                Everytime I see her, though, it's like something inside me snaps, and I'm on the verge of losing myself. A haze of lust, pain, hurt, anger. Love. She has the power to make me go insane with one look. Why shouldn't she? She's done it before. 

                I kick a rock. Still have no idea where I'm headed. Sigh. Don't want to go back. Not yet. So I sit down in front of the nearest tree. Need to clear my head some more.

                Shit, B, I was only trying to help tonight. Taking the Potentials out to the Bronze, I just thought you'd be happy. Take them off your hands for a little while. Give you some time to yourself. Plus, they needed it. We all did. And, yeah, I know the whole cops thing kinda messed up the whole experience, and then you came, and, well... you know the rest. But I was only trying to help.

                _// From the moment I wake to the moment I sleep_

_                // I'll be there by your side, just you try and stop me_

                See, that's the thing. My whole world revolves around you, B. And I don't want it to. Because I know you don't feel the same way, and I shouldn't even be thinking all this, because it's wrong and it's stupid and I can't stop, and... and I don't know what else, B. But I can't help it.

                All I know is that my life made no sense until I met you. Now it's four years later, and everything's downright fuckin' insane. Guess that's how life is, huh, B? Well, my life, at least. If you can call it that.

                _// I'll be waiting in line_

_                // Just to see if you care_

                I'm staring up at the sky now. Night is all around me, and I feel right at home. This is where I belong. Just like the rest of them. Them. Everyone's a member of her little fan club, but the only ones she ever really let into her heart were creatures of the night. So why aren't I in there, B, huh? Why am I left pounding at the door, sitting in a graveyard trying my hardest not to have a total breakdown where no one can see? 

                Angel said it was gonna be hard. He was right.

                _// Did you want me to change_

_                // Well, I've changed for good_

                I wasn't lying when I said I'm back on the good guy's side. Prison really helped me out a lot. For the first time I saw things as they really were, as they are. I'm not gonna do the whole analyzing thing... it's been done before. I know why I screwed up. And I'm sorry, B. To you most of all. Even though I got all these issues about me, about you, about us, I still know I did you wrong. So I apologize for that, even though you can't hear me right now.

                Honestly though, B. I need to know. Was it enough? I'm on this whole redemption thing cause I need it. I need to find peace with myself, get my soul back inside of me, make up for all the shit I did when I had lost it. But most of all, I'm doing this for you. And so I have to know. Is it enough? Or am I just making things worse, sitting here wasting everyone's time when really I should still be back in jail, doing who knows what? God, my head is starting to hurt. Not to mention the nice little reminder you left on my face.

                _// And I want you to know_

_                // That you'll always get your way_

                Shit, better start heading back. Wouldn't want you to worry now, huh B? Might do something drastic like hit me again. But then, that's always been the best part of our relationship. Fuck. I gotta get myself under control. Save all that tension for the First. Or the Bringers. Or that preacher guy. Whatever. Still not done with the whole mind trip, though. I mean it, I really gotta sort all this shit out before I go psycho again and - ouch. I'm too busy thinking all this that I walk right into something. Or someone. Well, shit. It's you.

                _// I wanted to say_

_                // Don't you shiver_

                You look at me, annoyed. "Faith. I've been looking for you."

                I don't say anything. Just watch you. Don't really feel like getting my ass kicked anymore tonight.

                The annoyance in your eyes changes slightly, mixing with what looks like suspicion. What, are you surprised I'm not talkin' back, B? Surprised I'm not running my mouth like I always do? Good. Took away your excuse to hit me. But I'm not worried. I'm sure you've got plenty more.

                Fuck, I'm bitter. Oh well. Not really much in the way of caring right now.

                You sigh. "Come on. I have an announcement I want to make, and a lot of the others still aren't back."

                Still making with the silence. I'm walking beside you now, hands in my pockets, eyes staring straight ahead. I guess you notice something's wrong, because you actually stop and look at me for a second.

                "Listen, Faith, about what happened tonight, I-"

                "Chill, B," I interrupt. "S'all right. No need to explain." I give her a half-hearted grin, then speed up my pace.

                _// And is this my final chance of getting you_

                I dunno why I said that. But I don't wanna tell her all that I'm feeling right now. There are more important things going on. Like saving the world, for instance. She doesn't need any more distractions. I'm a distraction.

                Suddenly I feel your hand on my shoulder. Not fist. Hand. Been a long time since I've had the opportunity to tell the difference. I turn. "Yeah, B?"

                There's so much confusion in those eyes. Those beautiful, strength-filled, wounded eyes; the ones that kept me going during all those years of loneliness. The ones that helped me see. Those eyes. You struggle to speak.

                "I don't understand. You've...you've changed. It's weird. And it's different. You're different."

                We're looking at each other, and for some reason, the anger in me is starting to ebb away, drifting to someplace I don't know where. I say it softly.

                "Guess I finally grew up a little, huh, B."

                You smile a little, and I remember why I could never really stop loving you. Then the moment ends, and we're both back to feeling uncomfortable. Hello, awkward silence. You break it first.

                "Well, we'd, um, better walk faster. It's... getting late." And with that said, you scurry away, and I'm left to stare after you in the dark.

                _// So you know how much I need you_

_                // But you never even see me, do you_

                So. Back here again. Back to the heart-stopping, mind-numbing pain that's taken over my life these last couple of years. Back to missing you, and the way things used to be. Back to life.

                Strangely, though, I think that that one minute of awkward bliss was actually... it was actually kind of nice. 

                And that's enough to keep me going.

                I sigh and continue walking back to the house.

                _// I'll always be waiting for you_

END  


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